I think about who I want to be often. But it always changes. It always does. It goes from equestrian, to veterinarian, to lawyer in fifteen seconds. Is it because I’m somehow unhappy, and unsatisfied? No. It’s because I have so many passions. I have so many dreams and so many desires.

What I need to really do is ask myself, “what makes you the happiest?” Because, ultimately, there’s nothing that’s going to matter in the long run except for your happiness. Don’t be something for someone, don’t be something because you think it’s the social norm. Be what you love and do it with pride.

I’ve been trying to teach myself that lesson. There are so many people out there that are dong absolutely NOTHING. There should be no shame in making steps toward bettering your life.

Think about it this way… You are one step away from who you used to be. You’re growing. Always changing. It’s okay to change paths.

Just don’t forget who you are.

Much Love.

maybe I’m stupid.

I always am.

I fall in love with the worst.

and then end up nursing myself back to health.

wait for me.

I’m just around the corner.

chasing you.

you’re mine.

As of late. It’s like I no longer dream about people. I just dream about being in far off places. Places that I can explore and build a life. Then I wake up and realize I’m still in my bed, in the same city, the same house; no longer lost in the world I built in my dreams. After a few minutes of desperately trying to hurl myself back into that dream, I desperately try not to hurl myself out of bed.

Safety to me, is where your heart feels most comfortable. To me, it’s in my bed. I feel safe, comfortable, at rest. It’s like all the stress takes a seat next to my bedroom, waiting for my feet to touch the ground.

If I flew into the ocean, sank to the bottom and danced in the sand, would you miss me?

If I sank into the earth and let weeds grow through my rib cage, would you pine for me?

If my life were to end tomorrow and everyone’s lives were to move on, would you ask where I was?

I know I sound like a child, BUT I am so tired of being here.

I just want my own way. I want everything to go the way I’VE planned it.

THIS IS SO ANNOYING.

What I want is to wake up one day and realize that all this worrying was for nothing. That I could just have put it all behind me and known that I was fine. What I want is to be able to one day, know that all the sacrifices that I’ve made weren’t in vain.

I’m tired of constantly feeling dissatisfied. I’m tired of my parents reading my personal posts, so I can never truly say what I’m feeling - without them knowing what I’ve said. I’m tired of waking up.

I’m tired.

One day I’m going to move far away and not look back. I don’t want to come back here. I feel like I’m being stifled.

If there’s one thing that I’m sure of right now, it’s that I’m unsure about everything.

my life seems to be just one big waiting game. I hate that I have nothing answered and nothing put together. It’s like I’m staring at the beginnings of a project without instructions.

I could just use a little de-stressing.

I used to think about you almost every day. I would wonder where you were, what you were doing, what you were thinking, if you were thinking of me as much as I was thinking of you? Did you eat today? If so, was it enough? Is your roommate still snoring? Are you missing me as much as I miss you?

I would dream of the day I would get on a plane and forget all inhibitions, land in your soil. You would greet me with a smile - shy of course. I would have some cliche Airport gift in hand all while ignoring you saying “You shouldn’t have, really.”

I would be frustrated when you didn’t text back or didn’t write on my wall fast enough. You were the bain of my paranoia. I hadn’t even held your hand and it felt like we had exchanged vows. 

Not many people I’ve wanted to introduce to the world, but you were one of them. You’re like that T shirt a mother begs to throw away. And before you furrow your eyebrows, which I know you’re probably doing (that or smiling because I just caught you) let me explain. You’re comfortable, desirable, needed. You have memories attached to you. I would have worn you with pride.

It was safe to say I was falling for you. No one really understands when I say that I keep you on the shelf for safe keeping, just in case one day I see you. I know we’ll fall in love.